he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
