No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
