I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
