The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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