More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
