Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
