i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
