Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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