Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
