so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
