I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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