if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm really busy with my period
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