There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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