guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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