omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
