dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Randomize
