thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
