...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
