She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
