I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
