Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
