i just had sex bonerless
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
