What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
