you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
