I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
