bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
