I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
