New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
