i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We don't watch enough power rangers
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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