Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
