Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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