He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
