I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
