There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
