Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
