I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Boobs are out for the taking
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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