We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
