So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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