Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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