I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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