Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
