I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
