Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
