The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
