you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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