i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
