What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
