when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
