is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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