Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
