You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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