So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
