community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
