i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
