Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
