i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
