she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
