its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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