i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
cat food counts as protein by the way
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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