Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
