Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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