you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
