Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize