I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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