Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
