We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
