Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
