what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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