Don't you send me to vm
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize