Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
