She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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