I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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