Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
