he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
