I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
